WTF

I have no idea why there was this random ass post on my blog about google.com for the last few days, exactly when I didn't check any of emails or anything. I don't remember even going on my blog that day....Wow. I think there's a ghost around here doing weird things like that, at least that's what one of the Nursing Assistants said to me. I responded by laughing, because I thought she had to be joking, why would she tell patients in a bone marrow transplant ward that there are ghosts in this place.."some folks just never wanna leave us."

I have to quickly describe fast I've deteriorated in the last week, because I just can't focus for that long on one thing anymore. I started getting low fevers during the nights and just in a couple days worth of time, they would last 24/7 and the average would be 103. On Thursday night, I started shaking vigorously as if I had a seizure for at least 30 minutes. They had to put me under like 7 blankets and even then it took a while for me to get to a physically stable place. This was around 4am, so I thought maybe it has something to do with just being really cold at night, but no it happened again with the next fever, and they finally had to start giving me tylenol to try to bring the fevers down as quickly as possible. Tylenol, on top of all the other drugs I'm taking causes a good amount of liver damage, so they try to use it at least as possible. As to the cause of the fevers, the doctors initially concluded that it was engraftment fevers and I was just having an extremely strong engraftment reaction, meaning paying the price for every single cell that's growing in my body. Needless to say, this kept me in bed for prettty much 95% of the time, making me so weak that the only way I could walk was by holding my Mom's hand. I can't sit up without support or else my back hurts for hours.

Yesterday, to further investigate the reason behind the bloated feeling and heightened liver enzymes, they did an ultrasound test, which looks at your liver, pancreases, etc. They found swelling in my liver which explains the bloated feeling a lot. Other than that it didn't really explain the amount of pain I feel when I walk around in my stomach. This morning though, the doctors came in and told me I had a CMV infection, which is a virus that most people have in their bodies, but it doesn't do anything to you unless if you don't have an immune system. Now, this explains everything. This is the reason why I've been feeling almost as if I'm in another time period, a highly painful one where I don't know how I got here or how I'll get out.

I hate this. I can't talk to anyone, my mouth gets very dry. If I look at the computer screen, my head starts to explode. So....that leaves me with the option of sleeping all day...I like to call it an option, because I could chose not to take the painkiller for my stomach and just sit here in pain but be awake to be able to do somethings at least and keep my brain alive. Give and take.